Return to gratitude

I am back after being gone for a week after somethings I had to deal with emotionally.   And in coming back to gratitude and to this gratitude blog, I need to remind myself and repeat what I said a month or so ago as it stands true for me, my own personal truth, today:

I have been angry for so long.  So angry at others, at life, at God, and at myself.  I have been consumed by anger, sadness, and my insecurities.  Out of fear and anger, I became a monster in my and others’ eyes.  I chased away dear friends and family with my tongue and my actions.  I am finally FINALLY taking a deep breathe and saying ENOUGH.  I must find a way out of this darkness and find a way to return to LIFE, to JOY, to AWARENESS, and to THANKFULNESS.

I realize now it so easy to fall into the angry and bitter and feeling sorry for oneself trap.  I need to train myself to think on the positive and to recognize and celebrate the daily gifts from God, the miracles that one overlooks when they are filled with anger, self pity, and fear.  I must train myself just like I would for a marathon.

So starting today, for the next year, for the next 365 days, I am documenting here each day the things I am grateful each day – large or small.  I am stepping into the light, one step at a time, one moment at a time, and living in the moment, NOT in the past, and NOT in the future.  My life is NOW.  Gratefulness and gratitude starts NOW.

Gratitudes July 7th, 2010

1. I am grateful for the sea change that is happening in my heart and in my soul and in my life.

2. I am grateful that I can see the beauty surrounding me and the gifts that there are there.

3. I am grateful to be able to find some way (maybe not a perfect way) but a way to let go.

4. I am grateful for 3 horses, 1 dog, and 1 cat.

5. I am grateful for my housemate who has opened her house and home up to me as a housemate.  I am blessed she took me in in the middle of all the drama and changes in my life.  I am grateful for her kindness and her understanding.

6. I am blessed to have demanding work.

7. I am blessed to have had 2 friends who I drifted away from to have come back into my life when I thought I had chased them away forever with my neglect.

8. I am blessed to get to meet new people every so often and to hear their stories and to get a chance to laugh with them.

9. I am grateful to be able to write.

10. I am grateful for a roof over my head, food in the pantry, animals who remind me what love is, and people who remind me that there is still goodness and good people in this world.

11. I am grateful for my family though I need to be better at letting them knowing that. I am grateful for their love – no matter how much of an angry monster or hurting jerk I am, they still love and I am grateful for their love.


“I think it is very important to know we can each transform ourselves into a better, happier person. I think it’s important to recognize this.”

–Dalai Lama

On Goodbyes

From my favorite book, “Eat Pray Love”,

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think of him, and then drop it. – Richard from Texas”

June 28 Gratitudes

1. I am grateful that I can say goodbye.

2. I am grateful that I hurt when I say goodbye.

3. I am grateful for tears.

4. I am grateful for all the wonderful wishes from people on GratitudeLog.

5. I am grateful for summer showers which cool down the summer heat.

6. I am grateful for the sound of thunder.

7. I am grateful for rain.

8.  I am grateful for a dog named Spot, 3 horses, and a cat named Norman.

9.  I am grateful for work.

10. I am grateful for food.

11. I am grateful for walks in the green countryside.

Beautiful quote

“The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, swelling in the present moment and feeling truly alive.”

~~ Thich Nhat Hanh

(many thanks to Sheilah Sterling on GratitudeLog for this quote!)

June 20, 2010 Gratitudes – in memory of Ping

1. I am grateful for having 13 beautiful sweet years with Ping who passed away yesterday.

2. I am grateful for all the love she gave me and my whole family.

3. I am grateful for her sweet affectionate licks and her resounding purrs.

4. I am grateful for the way she loved having her cheeks and side of her face scratched.

5. I am grateful for her purrs that were as loud and strong as a plane’s engine.

6. I am grateful how she would fall asleep on your chest purring.

7. I am grateful for her waking me up every morning when I lived in Richmond.

8. I am grateful for how much she loved our family.

9. I am grateful for her long life.

10. I am grateful we got touched by her – our angel and our nursemaid for our whole family.  We will miss her greatly. She was a good good good good cat.

I shall miss you Ping oh so very much.  I will see you one sweet day in heaven.  God take care of her – she deserves all the love in the world.


Ping in the sun

Ping in the sunshine glowing